Change

I Hate when i do this to myself, I always try to base my life on everyone around me. My Exboyfriend is doing so much with his life. My Friends are all doing great things for themselves. Im not I never seem to go forward in my life. Some people tell me that i give them inspiration because i throw caution to the wind. I take chances and i do crazy things that nobody has the balls to do. Chongo keeps asking when im leaving like i have this pattern of packing up and moving away. I dont have a pattern but i do move alot. Ive been doing it since i was a kid. I guess its another way of me keeping myself from getting hurt anyone then i do. Im tired of moving im tired running away. Me moving away is like turing my back on my friends and im tired of hurting them, it also sucks that i make great friends but never get to keep them. I guess it goes to show me that i can make friends and that i can find the trust that i never give people.I have Dreams and i can never find a way to full fill them, but i hope this time i can do something about it. See i start writing one of theses blogs and i start out good and i lose my steam, i guess being a writer is out of the question since it seems i cant. i started watching charlieissocoollike videos and now im on pussycat dolls and when i grow i want to have boobies, wait anyways i know i wont be getting any bloggies with my blog but at least the 7 of my readers can have some sort of random ramble of a blog to read.

Home

Ok I dont regret comming home and i know that it takes time for things to work out. But Damn Tomarrow will be 1 week of me being home. Ya I filling out applications, mostly online. It just sucks that im not working. I dont want to go to a fast food Place but i know that i may have to. I Hated Texas but i had a job and a place. Mabe i wouldnt have the place if i stayed but i would have a job. Im glad im home i just wish that i was working sitting home dosent help. I just am afraid all the fears that i had before comming home. Oh well to the positive. I missed Latinos. real Latinos there were none in texas, the ones that were there spoke english and had good jobs. I like My latinos not speaking english and moweing lawns, there just hotter to me. Ive been watching Logo all week, i missed it. i get to spend more time with my friends but im living out here in the middle of greece up on mount olympis, minus the gods. I get to spend time with my sister but she comes home from work and i feel bad cause i sat on my ass all day watching tv and blogging, ya im filling applications but still its not work. I cant wait till friday when i get to spend some time with my mother, ya im going to have to leave for my Welcome home Party, but ill be back to see her. This weekend i get to see my famly, My grandmother and all my aunts and cousins. Damn i do realy wish that i was working so i could bitch about that and not be home all day. Calgon take me away. Oh well there showing the entire CHO SHOW on logo so im going to watch it,(there is another show that souldnt have been canceled)

Regrets

I had one regret about moving to texas. I regreted leaving behind my friends. I left for a year and i always kicked mself in the ass for leaving them behind. Now im going home and i have one regret about leaveing texas. I dont regret leaving cali my friends stuck with me the whole time i was gone and my ture friends are still my friends, my regrets now have nothing to do with wish i can stay. I hate Texas everybody who knows me knows this. I am regreting leaving behind my friends I made here in Texas. Im a person who finds it hard to make friends but i made some great friends and some Major Enemys but even the enemys i made out here are valued to me, they help mold me into the person i am now and the person i will become. My one major regret is Gaining all this fucking Weight, it too better be gone soon, i may develope so of my old eating disorders till i get thin again. Anyways i digress. I will miss you Texans who i Call Friend, you help make texas bareable and i hope that you will visit me in California, im going to try to visit texas but i know that i will end up getting a job that will not give me the time off i need to come visit but if i get the chance to i will. I need to see my kids, all my kids Chance, Faith, Devo, Braden, Kailen, Alex, joey, dustin, and their parents, Peoples Pets, Freinds , my Famly and extended Famly. I will shout out Amy and Katie. They were the 2 who were there to help me when i needed it the most, Robyn who wasent the worst roomate but helped me when i was on the verge of a mental brake down, Evil-lynn, she was always there out of the clear blue and always made me smile. Anyone else i love you, those who came into my life will always be a part of it and you have my number and i have yours so keep in touch. Just to be an ass im going to say one more name to see if he notices. PATRICK HEALY, there i put you into a blog now shut up. Anyways i beleave that i came into your lives for a reason now use what i left with you to make your lives better.